DEAR DIARY: MY FEELING

Hallo all! In today's article, I want to tell you sad and happy stories, at the same time. It doesn't have any correlation with previous 'Dear, Diary'. So, last week was my birthday. Before, my birthday was so 'hectic' because my mom would make a very special cake and invited all my family to my grandpa's house. And at that time, my grandpa would pray what the best for me in the future and always ended with "God, we wish Eca could be a person that useful and make proud of the nation, country, religion and also family." I always remember that every single sentence in my memory.

My grandpa passed away at November 24th, 2022, at my last year of high school. That made my birthday this year was celebrated without my grandpa, which is very different. Everyone prays the best for me, except my grandpa. For a second, I felt a little.. weird and empty. Grandpa has so much beautiful memories with me, especially my birthday. This year, I'm 18. I'm neither child nor teen anymore. I'm in my early adulthood. My first very simple birthday party without my grandpa. But I believe, grandpa always here, standing close to me, wherever I go, and always prays the best for me and my future. Always, everyday, as he did when alive.

I told my parents. I don't need anything that is called 'gift' for my birthday. I beg for their pray, that the best gift is I got accepted in UNHAN RI. My birthday is on April 11th, meanwhile the announcement of 2nd phase is on April 18th, right the following week. I tried my best for the written test; studying, exercising, and praying. But I did the same too when I got rejected from UPNJKT SNBP. Yeah, so I just give the remain to God. God knows the best for me. And also, "God's time is the best, even though sometimes we hardly understand it." That is how I get my strength. For 18 days, I have been waiting. For that long time, I have been waiting patiently. Until today's very very late night, 00:01.

The admin in my telegram PMB UNHAN group, Mrs. Uchie said that the announcement will release at 00:01 AM, April 18th. I was sitting in my parents' room, when I waited for the announcement at the website. For reduced my nervousness, I ate sate padang with my mom. My hand got shaked when it's already 00:01, but I didn't see any sign of announcement. One of my friend at telegram group informed us about the announcement at the website about a half hour later. I immediately opened the web and saw the document there. I accessed it, and search for my name among 500 people. And gotcha! There my name! I cried a lot and my parents congratulated me. I didn't expect that! I was very happy. 500 out from 1800! Today is my greatest day ever! Thank God for your 'best time'!

My dream going to UNHAN become real! I'm going to stay at Stand by Force for 2 weeks for the offline test. Stand by Force is barrack for soldier who going to send to conflict areas in other countries. Yeah, we can say 'Garuda Contingent', the international and special TNI mission with skyblue UN barret. It's because UNHAN is located in IPSC (International Protect and Secure Center) Sentul, Bogor, a very large Indonesia Defense Ministry's area for soldier's preparation abroad. I'm so happy! There are many things I should carry on and prepare, but it's okay and no problem. I swear, I can pass this too! One step ahead!

UNHAN is my dream since the first year of my high school, also the first year UNHAN opened bachelor program. For 3 years, I have been saving UNHAN registration web, wish I can register to it someday. And that day, two months ago on February, the website opened. I have prepared all the documents required, eo I just inputted the requirements and get the early registration number. After that, I must waiting for approximately 2 weeks for the verification. The announcement released at March 14th, at 10 PM. I've been waiting all day since earliest morning, and it appeared late night. Fortunately, thank God, I passed it, too. And I prepared for the next test; TPS, TKBI and RIK Psi at March 24th until April 1st, more than one week. So hectic in a uncertain condition, especially after I got rejected from SNBP. 

But, it's an old story. The new version of Tessa now is not like that anymore. I got many spirit and support from all my family. They never leave me even in my lowest point. I such a blessed to have them all as my family. And also thia blog. This is where I write all my happiness and sadness, tell stories of my life that no one will blame me. My deepest feeling that only me and God know, I write it all here. Now I'm satisfied after cry for a long night. Thank you, goodbye. Hope me luck!